Apologizing is hard, accepting an apology is harder, but accepting an apology you never got is the hardest.
We all have been hurt by someone in our lives at one time. Maybe it was your best friend, a family member, your husband or wife, or maybe an old boss… and you’re still waiting for a heartfelt apology… or maybe that they will get hit with the karma stick.
That apology is more than likely, not coming your way any time soon.
That crappy boss of yours is probably not going to get fired.
Your flighty sibling is probably not going to stay committed to hanging around.
Your spouse won’t magically accept that they were in the wrong about that nasty fight.
If you are still carrying the past with you today and it is doing nothing but adding more weight to your well being.
The anger, resentment, and anxiety are here to stay unless you decided that enough is enough.
Accepting an apology can be incredibly difficult of its own. After a fight, we may be too fired up to even want to accept that apology.
Now imagine accepting one where the other party isn’t even involved, or they continue to hurt or, or in your eyes, they are not even worth your forgiveness.
It seems like an extremely difficult feat. To top it off you might be thinking to yourself, why even accept their apology, they can go “F” themselves.
Sure they can!
Yet what you are failing to see here is that you are still filled with anger or sadness days, months, or even years after something happened.
You are still giving parts of yourself to someone that at this point doesn’t deserve you.
You are giving your time, your energy, your emotions, and your health to someone that has wronged you.
There comes to a point in a situation where you will need to learn to let it go.
Sure you can delete them from your life, stop talking about them or the situation, and even laugh about it now that some time had passed.
The problem is this will not be enough. The best way to finally letting it go and truly moving on is to accept an apology you never got from them.
(Remember, having someone treat you disrespectfully is not OK and there really are no excuses for that behavior. What may be helpful to know are some possible explanations behind the behavior. Not intended to excuse, but intended for you to use learn how to move on and accept your apology)
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01 | REMEMBER THEY ARE ONLY HUMAN
This might be hard since sometimes people can do some seriously cruel things. At the end of the day, we all go to bed just human beings.
Some have fewer advantages, some have addictive personalities, some have mental health issues we can’t see, some had a horrible childhood, and some feel unimportant, devalued, scared, anxious, confused, alone, angry, etc.
We all are vulnerable at one point or another, and remember the most negative things that happen between people usually stems from someone’s insecurity.
02 | UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS ACCEPTANCE IS
You’re not accepting the behavior as being OK. You’re also not saying you want to be close again either.
What you are doing is accepting their apology for what happened and how it affected you in your life.
Do not feel like you are “losing” or admitting that the other person is right. This is just about you and your feelings about the matter, not the matter itself.
03 | ACCEPT WHAT IS
Constantly replaying in your mind how something should be or should have happened, literally will not change a single thing.
It will not change the person, the situation, the outcome, or your feelings.
In fact, this will make you feel a lot worse and by definition, this is exactly what insanity looks like. Doing something over and over again expecting a different result.
Replaying the argument in your head with your boss, that ultimately got you wrongfully fired, will not change the fact that you got fired.
Letting go and accepting their apology also means to finally accept the situation exactly how it happened, no matter how unfair it seems.
Loving What Is by Byron Katie is a book I cannot recommend enough to people. Understanding not only how to accept reality but how that acceptance will completely change your life for the better is such a powerful transformation that leads straight to happiness.
Click below to check out her book!
04 | WRITE IT OUT
Just deciding your going to forgive your best friend and move on might not be as easy as just thinking it.
Writing is very therapeutic, more so than people realize.
Write down that you are accepting their apology because you are ready to let the situation and let them go. Write about what happened, how it made you feel, and how you are ready to stop investing so much energy in this.
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05 | LOOK AT YOU NOW
We often fail to look at the end result, since we tie up so much anger and resentment in the wrong doing itself.
Whether or not you believe things happen for a reason, it is easy to say that sometimes bad things happen that lead you to something better in your life.
For example, your husband cheated, it was the worst thing that happened to you. You couldn’t work it out and filed for divorce. 6 months later you find the real love of your life, move to a town you always wanted to live in and picked up your long lost hobby of painting.
You still may be filled with anger about your ex cheating, yet that bad situation led you to a path that has changed your life, and in this case for the better.
Look at where you are now, even if you are in a worse situation and are in survival mode, you are still growing as a person in one way or another.
06 | LASTLY, IT’S TIME TO APOLOGIZE
Yep, that is right.
It is time for YOU to apologize to people that you have wronged in one way or another.
If you would like to apologize in person, over the phone, or just to yourself. Learning to apologize will make accepting apologies so much easier.
We all play a part in one way or another in a negative situation between you and someone else.
Your part could be small, and you may be defending it to the max, but if there is any reason for you to apologize let yourself off the hook and get it out.
Here are some of my apologies, and they were hard to write without adding in jabs about the other person’s participation in the situation, I actually had to rewrite them…twice, but I am glad I did because I needed to focus on just me and what part I played that I am apologizing for.
” I apologize to the lady at the Petsmart parking lot I lost my temper with” (long story)
” I apologize to my ex-best friend for not making an effort to get to know her new group of friends and distancing myself”
It is time for you to move on, get your peace, find your clarity, and finally accept that apology you never got.
You are not doing it for them, you are doing it for you!
Only then will you be able to really move forward.